A letter to my 15 year old self ……

Posted on July 9, 2013

5


Dear 15 year old Jenny.

Wow, its been 17 years since I knew you and so much has changed.you are no longer blonde and they invented GHD’s so you can finally get rid of those curls!.

You learn so much along the travels and don’t always have it easy but these tests along the way are what make you into me, and you have never been happier.

In a years time you meet someone, he is a bit older than you and you think you are pretty cool. You are not. You have your own mind and don’t listen to anyone. Instead of going to University you buy a house and get a job in Financial Services.

It doesn’t take you long to realise this man has a temper but you are stubborn and won’t admit defeat. Instead you get married, and control other things like your weight and your career. You are the thinnest you have ever been but still not happy. You look good right now so don’t listen when you are told you are fat – you aren’t!

You work hard at your career and did loads of study and exams. I’m proud of you! This was a real turning point and you began to believe in yourself again. You became top of your game within a huge financial company and gained a lot of respect from your peers.

Your personal life wasn’t happy though but you didn’t know what to do. At 24 you found out you were pregnant. Being pregnant is hard, harder than anything you have ever done before, but you cope, you always do!.

You have a little boy but he comes too early and is very poorly. It’s ok, he pulls through. This is the turning point in your life – your world focuses around him and you blame yourself that he has so many struggles. It’s not your fault!!! These things sometimes happen but he is now the happiest little boy you have ever met!!

Your world spins into depression and is eventually diagnosed as PND. You have it bad. I often wondered whether you were going to make it. You have the most amazing mum. I know you think she is a pain now but really she saves you. She gives you the strength to go to see someone and they give you the strength to walk away.

You and your little boy start a new life together, just the two of you. You worked so hard to make sure that you could provide for him and that he didn’t have to miss out on anything – he is amazing!

You spend the next 3 years taking him to hospital appointments, speech therapy, doing anything to help him. Don’t worry, by the time he starts school he has caught up and is ok.

You love your job, I know who would have thought you could get so excited over pensions!  You are happy and confident.

You meet someone at work, a random fax came through to your dept so you decided to walk it down. That random fax was fate. You met the love of your life an amazing man, kind, gentle and he loves your little boy as much as you do.

He makes you so happy and you plan your future together – its a happy future. Don’t worry. You get married again and have two more boys. You end up with a bit if a mum tum but to be honest you don’t really mind.

Oh I almost forgot to tell you, you gave up the financial services to set up your own business – I know who would have thought. You finally use your passion for fashion and embrace the world of kids clothes.

The next 17 years hold so many lessons for you, but they make you into the person you are today.  You should listen to your mum a bit more though she is your rock!

From Jenny aged 32

Posted in: My life