I often wonder when I will stop worrying.
When these irrational thoughts will go away.
I know it seems crazy but I am still so scared that Hugo will get ill again.
The last week he had a sickness bug (as did all the boys)
After a couple of days he was well again but still seemed to draw his legs up, he did this with his septicaemia.
I panicked, I cried, I didn’t sleep.
I laid by his cot and watched for signs, any signs.
In my heart I knew he was ok but my head, my head kept saying what if?
What if he was ill?
What if it had come back?
What if he didn’t wake up?
It’s known as the silent killer, what if its got him?
I know it would be extremely rare to get it a second time, but the worry, the worry just doesn’t go away.
This week has been hard.
Hugo turns one on Monday – he has come so far
But it feels like, as it gets close to his birthday, the time he became ill, that it has re-opened my emotions.
I hope with time that it will get easier, that I can begin to enjoy the time we have together without all the worry.